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Respect my authoritah
By Ned | April 24, 2008
Based on this exchange between the FBI Director Mueller and Reps. Wexler and Cohen, you would think that the FBI basically what authority it has to police other federal agencies. But that’s not true at all! They actually have a very simple process for investigating other federal agencies.
Step 1: A federal agency (let’s say, the CIA) commits a crime (let’s say, tortures the shit out of people).
Step 2: FBI immediately cuts of all ties with the activities of that other agency!
Step 3: Break for lunch. Tuna subs in the Hoover building cafeteria today. Yum!
Step 4: Go through the proper protocol. Nobody’s exactly sure what that means because the FBI keeps it classified, but trustworthy sources have said that it indicates a divining rod, a magic eight ball, a deck of cards and two cups connected by a lot of yarn.
Step 5: Conduct a series of sophisticated experiments to determine if torturing the shit out of people is illegal. Results: inconclusive!
Step 6: Smoke break.
Step 7: Consult the Justice Department. Results: inconclusive!
Step 8: Good job, everyone! Justice has been served. Go to a congressional hearing to collect your reward.
Topics: Civil Liberties, Congress, Corruption |