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George W. Bush: Timecop
By Ned | January 15, 2007
In the small subgenre of speculative fiction known as alternative history, arguably the supreme master is Harry Turtledove. Unfortunately, our president is a far inferior writer of alternative history.
Take for example a couple excerpts from his recent 60 minutes interview. First there’s the one where be brilliant sums up alternate universe America’s concerns regarding the Iraq War:
BUSH: Not at all. I am proud of the efforts we did. We liberated that country from a tyrant. I think the Iraqi people owe the American people a huge debt of gratitude, and I believe most Iraqis express that. I mean, the people understand that we’ve endured great sacrifice to help them. That’s the problem here in America. They wonder whether or not there is a gratitude level that’s significant enough in Iraq.
Goddamn Iraqis. We invade their country, destroy its infrastructure, plunge the entire country into a civil war, and the general populace is expressing insufficient amounts of gratitude. Flowers would be nice.
Things get even weirder from there. From Josh Marshall:
Asked whether the invasion has made the Middle East more unstable, the president responds: “Our administration took care of a source of instability in Iraq. Envision a world in which Saddam Hussein was rushing for a nuclear weapon to compete against Iran.”
Well, yes, imagine that.
See, if we hadn’t invaded, then it is definitely within the realm of possibility that Iraq would have become a threat at some point in the future. We had no choice!
With that in mind, I’m going to advocate that we declare war on the UK right now. Seriously, haven’t you seen V for Vendetta? They’re totally going to be fascists in the future, so we’d better nip that in the bud right now. America cannot wait for the salvation of a shaven-headed Natalie Portman!
Hell, in Children of Men they apparently lay siege to Seattle. This must not stand! We must avenge the vaguely-alluded to possible future invasion of Seattle.
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